Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has pleaded for the world to join hands and assist him in the creation of a peaceful loving world, brought about through overt racism and endemic firearm use.
Known in the USA as Donald Trumpety-Trump, the toupeed statesman who inherited his fortune, said “If everyone can just look into their hearts and find an irrational way to blame all their problems on someone who worships virtually the same God as I claim to do but with a different name, before taking time to panic buy guns, then we can work through this together.
“We need freedom to bear arms to protect ourselves from native americans in the 17th century onto whom we effectively committed genocide.
“Our God says thou shalt not kill, but he also respects the second amendment which is more important. But we don’t want people arming themselves to the teeth in the name of any other God. That would be ridiculous.
“It’s not easy being inherently racist in a fundamentally multi-cultural society, but with God’s help we can do it.” He added.
Mr Trump’s statements have enjoyed widespread support from his own supporters who whooped and hollered before, during and after his speech. One supporter told us “He’s so right. If 0.0000000000001% of these muslims become terrorists then we should tell them all to take their turbans and get the hell outta here. And then we can ride around shooting our guns and shouting yeehaar.”