Trump condemns “failing intelligence test” after achieving 85 IQ

US president Donald Trump has condemned the IQ test as a “failing examination” following reports that he achieved a score of 85.

Trump state visit downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off”

Donald Trump’s forthcoming state visit to Britain has been downgraded to “One cup of tea then you fuck off” according to Government insiders.

Theresa May “I’ll almost certainly still be in office by Christmas”

Theresa May will still be Prime Minister by Christmas and may even remain in power for longer than Donald Trump according to party insiders.

Trump “Sunny days to blame for devastation too”

Nice weather and sunny days must take their share of the blame for devastation across America caused by “many types of weather” according to US president Donald Trump.

Trump administration urges Britons to use shorter sentences on state visit

A spokesman for the White House has confirmed that they have asked all UK citizens to speak in very short sentences ahead of President Trump’s state visit to Britain in October.

Trump to travel in a giant golden penis on UK state visit

Donald Trump is to travel down the Mall to meet the Queen in a giant golden penis after an aide mistakenly requested a golden under-carriage for the procession.

Elephants listening in on Donald Trump with their huge flappy ears

Elephants have been listening in on Donald Trump with their huge flappy ears and most likely handing the information to Barack Obama, the media or British Intelligence, according to tweets published by Mr Trump earlier this morning.

Trump to keep an open mind about flat earth

The concept of a spherical earth may be misinformation propagated by so called scientists who like the media have a liberal-elitist agenda according to US president Donald Trump.

Trump to ban journalists from press conferences

Donald Trump is to ban journalists from all future press conferences until they learn to stop asking the wrong questions and start writing down the things that he tells them.

Queen to offer Trump British delicacy of Dog Eggs on state visit

President Trump will be invited to Buckingham Palace to savour the exquisite British dish of dog eggs when he arrives on his state visit according to sources close to the Queen.