Morrissey moonlighting as McDonalds clown

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The long disputed mystery of the identity of the Ronald McDonald clown has been unexpectedly brought to a conclusion as former Smiths front man Morrissey has admitted that when not being miserable, judgmental and vegetarian, he actually likes to plaster himself in make up, laugh a lot, and scoff lots of beef burgers.

“My favourite burger is the quarter pounder with cheese though sometimes I prefer a Big Mac”  he chuckled  “and then I like to do a funny dance with my big shoes. Shit, I’m turning back into that cantankerous sod  Morrissey again. Hide the meat!”

It is not clear whether this double life is a free choice of the singer or part of some involuntary Jekyll and Hyde type metamorphosis. Either way scientists have long disputed the theory of Morrissey consistently being Morrissey without some form of alter ego to balance it out. One such scientist told us “There has to be an equal and positive reaction to his general antics or our calculations show that he would actually disappear  up his own arse. Up until recently that alter ego was generally thought to have been  The Stig off Top Gear until we found out it was Green Party MP Caroline Lucas”.

We spoke to fellow Smiths band member Johnny Marr who told us that the news was unexpected but not altogether surprising. “It does explain why you never see the two of them together at the same time” he told us.

The new  tracks McSuedehead and Meat isn’t murder are due out later in the Spring.  Similarly McDonalds are set to announce their new extra value miserable fucker meal.

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