Trump “Sunny days to blame for devastation too”

Nice weather and sunny days must take their share of the blame for devastation across America caused by “many types of weather” according to US president Donald Trump.

Disappointment as super-injunction possibly just about Elton John’s stupid sex life

The British public have today aired their mass disappointment that according to some people on twitter the great big celebrity super-injunction that has been in the news for weeks might just be about Elton John and his stupid sex life. One person thriving on unfounded rumour said “We don’t know if it is or it […]

We’ll never ever post goals on twitter again promise all football fans

  Football fans have come together to promise the Premier league that they will never ever post goals via vine on twitter again and that they are all jolly sorry that they ever did in the first place. One sorrowful fan  told us  “We know what we have done is wrong and we’re all wracked […]

Turkey to ban links to videos of cats

Prime Minister of Turkey Recep Tayyip Erdogan has vowed  to “wipe out” all parts of the internet that involve links to videos of cats doing funny things. “I don’t care what the international community says at all. These cats are taking the piss out of me and I’m fed up of people saying I can’t […]

British Gas “If you don’t like it, you can light your own farts”

Customers who disagree with today’s 9.2% pay rise can go and heat their homes and cook their dinner using gas from their own anuses according to a spokesman from British Gas this morning. “We understand public frustration of prices rising faster than incomes. But it’s not our fault that people don’t earn enough. And you […]

4 Year old ‘Toddler Police Commissioner’ to be hung out to dry

Newspapers and television news stations alike have come together as one in condemning the ‘deplorable actions’ of newly appointed Toddler Police Commissioner Tommy Perkins who in just one day of office is facing a charge of gross misconduct. Despite the responsibilities that go with his high office he has already left an important meeting to […]

World wide protests at Justin Bieber’s shit birthday

The worlds population as a whole have been urged to ‘remain calm’ as shockwaves resulting from teen crooner Justin Bieber’s ‘worst birthday ever’ have caused worldwide protests. Up to a quarter of the worlds population put aside the fact that many are living in absolute poverty and suffering the end of a global recession, to […]