Smoking damages the chakras warn reiki therapists

In their strongest anti smoking message yet reiki therapists have warned that heavy smoking may cause permanent damage to chakras, the aura and may slow down the flow of chi. A spokesman for the the British Reiki Association (BRA) told us “We don’t really believe in ‘lungs’ and ‘the brain’ per se, as they rely […]

Stupid George Osborne to issue autumn statement in winter

George Osborne has today fended off accusations that he is incompetent and irresponsible as widespread criticism mounts that he is issuing an Autumn statement in Winter. Shadow Chancellor Eddie Balls told us “It’s ridiculous. Everybody knows that December is in Winter. If he can’t get that right then how can he be left in charge […]

British Gas “If you don’t like it, you can light your own farts”

Customers who disagree with today’s 9.2% pay rise can go and heat their homes and cook their dinner using gas from their own anuses according to a spokesman from British Gas this morning. “We understand public frustration of prices rising faster than incomes. But it’s not our fault that people don’t earn enough. And you […]

Fracking far too rude say enviromentalists

Environmentalists have been protesting outside parliament in their hundreds as the temporary ban on the process of ‘Fracking’ for gas and oil looks set to come to an end. The head of a company involved in fracking has said it is ready to press on quickly with production if a UK ban on the technique […]

Power stations to be fuelled by the wrath of indignant locals

Power stations will be fuelled by harnessing the wrath of local communities who want to be able to use copious amounts of electricity without actually setting eyes on a wind farm or any other form of power generation. New Government legislation has encouraged local people to protest in the most vocal terms about wind farms […]