“Jimmy Saville’s ghost groped my melons from beyond the grave” shocker

The Crown Prosecution Service this morning admitted that they were “unsure as how best to proceed” after the catalogue of accusations against the late Sir Jimmy  Saville have now extended to more recent offences from beyond the grave. “Despite being dead” we were told “it appears that Sir Jimmy is still up to his old […]

Eddie Shah to blame for abusing himself

Eddie Shah has controversially blamed himself for any occasions when he may have abused himself. “There may have been nights when I have gone out actively seeking my own company. I mean look at the way I’m dressed. I’m clearly going to give myself the wrong idea or the right idea as the case may […]

Fracking far too rude say enviromentalists

Environmentalists have been protesting outside parliament in their hundreds as the temporary ban on the process of ‘Fracking’ for gas and oil looks set to come to an end. The head of a company involved in fracking has said it is ready to press on quickly with production if a UK ban on the technique […]

1970s accused of rape

Police Commissioners throughout the country have cancelled  all leave for police officers for the foreseeable future as a warrant has been issued for the arrest of the entire 1970s. The move comes after Stuart Hall, Ken Barlow and now professional fibber Max Clifford have revealed that any sexual crimes they may or may not have […]