Jim Davidson cleared of being racist

The Crown Prosecution Service have confirmed today that they will be dropping all charges of historic racism against the comedian Jim Davidson.  A spokesman confirmed “Much of the evidence appeared to be made up of hearsay and tittle tattle so it makes any conviction completely unsound. As long as you ignore his videos or anything […]

“Jimmy Saville’s ghost groped my melons from beyond the grave” shocker

The Crown Prosecution Service this morning admitted that they were “unsure as how best to proceed” after the catalogue of accusations against the late Sir Jimmy  Saville have now extended to more recent offences from beyond the grave. “Despite being dead” we were told “it appears that Sir Jimmy is still up to his old […]

Eddie Shah to blame for abusing himself

Eddie Shah has controversially blamed himself for any occasions when he may have abused himself. “There may have been nights when I have gone out actively seeking my own company. I mean look at the way I’m dressed. I’m clearly going to give myself the wrong idea or the right idea as the case may […]

1970s accused of rape

Police Commissioners throughout the country have cancelled  all leave for police officers for the foreseeable future as a warrant has been issued for the arrest of the entire 1970s. The move comes after Stuart Hall, Ken Barlow and now professional fibber Max Clifford have revealed that any sexual crimes they may or may not have […]

“It can’t be Rolf Harris. It must have been Dave Lee Travis” say public

The British public have today responded to Rolf Harris’s charges with a united voice. “It can’t have been Rolf. It must have been Dave Lee Travis”. Harris who brought such hits to us as ‘two little boys’, ‘jake the peg with his extra leg’, and more recently ‘Let me do you up the wrong’un sheila’ […]

William Roache appeals to public to stop shoving things up his arse

Coronation street thespian and spiritualist William Roache has made a heartfelt plea to the general public to desist from shoving things up his arse. The actor who specialises in playing Ken Barlows made the announcement via twitter, facebook and telepathy from his room in a private hospital where already he has had a toothbrush, a […]

BBC under fire for showing Saville look-a-like ‘He-Man’ episodes

The BBC has once again been the target of numerous complaints following a spate of childrens’ television programmes starring characters who look similar to disgraced disc jockey Jimmy Saville. Director general Tony Hall has admitted that things could have been handled better. “We always have a skim through the days listings just to make sure […]