Jim Davidson to run for Prime Minister

Jim Davidson is to run for MP, leadership of the conservative party and Prime Minister in time for this years likely general election according to party sources. “People are too scared to slap a woman’s arse and do impressions of Indian people. I want an immediate return to 1970s intolerance and I’m going to criminalise […]

Portsmouth Uni to keep Jim Davidson statue

Protesters at Portsmouth University have told of their disappointment today at the management’s decision to keep its controversial 20 foot statue of Jim Davidson. A spokesman for the University said that they had listened to the protesters but concluded that they will have all pissed off somewhere else in 3 years time having finished their […]

David Cameron seen leaving Jim Davidson’s house

David Cameron has reportedly been seen leaving Jim Davidson’s house sparking rumours that he may be wooing the support of the popular comedian. The support of the veteran comedian whose popularity means that he regularly fills provincial town halls and civic centres, holds such power amongst middle England that a thumbs up from him could […]

Jim Davidson “If UKIP get in, I’ll stay in the country”

Jim Davidson has issued the British electorate with a stark ultimatum “If UKIP get in, I’ll stay in the country”. “I normally threaten to sling my hook if the Conservatives don’t get in. But someone’s got to take a stand. I’ve even bought a house on 1970’s Island but if UKIP get in I’m not […]

UKIP to prove “not racist” by painting Jim Davidson brown

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has said that he will instruct party activists to paint 1970s comedian and former generation game host Jim Davidson a shade of brown so he looks a bit foreign. Speaking to a heaving press conference this morning Mr Farage explained “It doesn’t seem to matter what we do, people still think […]

Bernard Manning wins Celebrity Big Brother

  Bernard Manning has surprised his critics by probably becoming the first ageing racist comedian to win Celebrity Big Brother. Our Big Brother correspondent explained “He started off very unpopular and initially he seemed a surprise choice of candidate. But to save his career he pressed on trying his best not to offend too many […]

Celebrities protest against something or other

Companies and/or Governments who have been up to something or other have today been discussing whether or not they should continue with what they’re doing after revelations that some of the inevitable public protests may include celebrities.  The added factor that some protesters may also be actors, singers or clothes designers has put things in […]

Jim Davidson cleared of being racist

The Crown Prosecution Service have confirmed today that they will be dropping all charges of historic racism against the comedian Jim Davidson.  A spokesman confirmed “Much of the evidence appeared to be made up of hearsay and tittle tattle so it makes any conviction completely unsound. As long as you ignore his videos or anything […]

“It can’t be Rolf Harris. It must have been Dave Lee Travis” say public

The British public have today responded to Rolf Harris’s charges with a united voice. “It can’t have been Rolf. It must have been Dave Lee Travis”. Harris who brought such hits to us as ‘two little boys’, ‘jake the peg with his extra leg’, and more recently ‘Let me do you up the wrong’un sheila’ […]

Jim Davidson no longer eligible to take over as new Jim’ll Fix It

The BBC has been thrown into turmoil once again after the arrest of Jim Davidson for sexual offences which has regrettably halted filming of a new series of Jim’ll Fix It. BBC Director General Tony Hall is reportedly furious and under no illusion that he must find a new Jim by the end of the […]