Festival under threat as McCarthy and Stone build Glastonbury retirement flats

Glastonbury festival is thought to be under threat today following news that McCarthy and Stone have received planning permission to build a retirement complex just yards from where the main stage would normally be situated. Land owner Michael Eavis said “I was initially against the idea but then it occurred to me that  I’ve had […]

Portsmouth locals fury at immigrants cooking with fresh ingredients

Portsmouth City Council Leader, Donna Jones, has described reports of immigrants and refugees mitigating the effects of limited financial assistance by creating delicious meals made cheaply out of fresh ingredients, as abhorrent. “Hello. McDonalds. Hello.” She told a heaving press conference in Guildhall square this morning. “Poor people should eat Findus crispy pancakes, white bread […]

Portsmouth Uni to keep Jim Davidson statue

Protesters at Portsmouth University have told of their disappointment today at the management’s decision to keep its controversial 20 foot statue of Jim Davidson. A spokesman for the University said that they had listened to the protesters but concluded that they will have all pissed off somewhere else in 3 years time having finished their […]

Cyclist on Southsea seafront to try using the actual cycle lane just fucking once

A cyclist on Southsea seafront has given his clearest indication yet that he might just might use the massive cycle lane, that the entire road was narrowed and reconstructed in order to accommodate, just fucking once. “I’d rather hold up the traffic on the road or have near misses with people, children and dogs on […]