Eighth in line to the throne Prince Edward has marked his 50th birthday today with the sad news that he will be retiring from the things that he does, whatever they might be, with immediate effect.
Speaking from outside Buckingham Palace, where he was due to celebrate his half century with other royals and fellow princes Charles, Andrew and Naseem Hamed, Prince Edward issued the following statement. “I’m 50 and apparently you can retire at 50. Everyone needs to knock things on the head at some point and it’s about time that I quit whatever it is I’ve been doing anyway to spend the same amount of time with my family and my hobbies. Whatever they are. I’ll certainly be instructing my servants to spend more time gardening.”
A palace insider told us “It’s a myth that he doesn’t do very much. Only the other day he opened a thing. And he’s flown off to a lot of countries, mainly hot ones with nice beaches to do some stuff and chat a bit.”
Prince Edward may have to come out of retirement should anything happen to Charles, Andrew, William, Harry, Naseem hamed or the artist previously known as prince, which would require him to adopt the duties of King. A palace insider explained “Should that happen he would need to open some things and fly off to a lot of countries, mainly hot ones with nice beaches.”
News Toad 
Does that mean theres an opening , I could do that, “could do with the money as a pensioner”
Piss takers8
Piss takers lol
What a total waste of skin. The best part of him ran down his mother’s leg at birth.
Hilarious satire!
he wouldn’t work in an iron lung,sponging parasite
What a joke! Spongers off the tax payers like most of so called HRH!
He needs to be careful, he may not qualify for state benefits.
heard it all now
Nice taste in ties but who is he ?
If he is retiring from doing nothing, does that mean he is going to get a job?