Politicians set to be called “facking dinloes” at Portsmouth Question time

Politicians are bracing themselves to be called facking dinloes this evening as the city of Portsmouth gears itself up to host popular BBC show Question Time.

Portsmouth Council authorise new high rise shaped like a penis

Portsmouth City Council leader Donna Jones has spoken of an exciting vision for Portsmouth, involving the construction of a high rise block shaped like a giant penis.

Portsmouth park to become shrine to Margaret Thatcher

A park in the centre of Portsmouth is to become a shrine to former Conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher including a 30 foot statue surrounded by right wing topiary.

Portsmouth locals fury at immigrants cooking with fresh ingredients

Portsmouth City Council Leader, Donna Jones, has described reports of immigrants and refugees mitigating the effects of limited financial assistance by creating delicious meals made cheaply out of fresh ingredients, as abhorrent. “Hello. McDonalds. Hello.” She told a heaving press conference in Guildhall square this morning. “Poor people should eat Findus crispy pancakes, white bread […]

City of Sheffield cancelled

Chaotic scenes surrounded Sheffield this morning after organisers cancelled the entire city due to a lack of water for runners at it’s annual half marathon. South Yorkshire Police said that they had originally thought of just cancelling the race but later decided that cancellation of the city itself was the best course of action with […]

New owners of Southsea Pier with new insurance policy rule out imminent fire

The new owners of South Parade Pier, who have asked to remain anonymous, have ruled out the possibility of an imminent, accidental fire leaving it irreparable but covered by insurance. A spokesman for the new mystery owner issues the following statement. “It is out of the question that the pier, which is said to require £3 […]

Cameron has ship shoved up his arse

The Prime Minister is said to be in good spirits this evening having just come out of an operation at St Mary’s hospital to have a UK built warship removed from his arse. The type 45 destroyer, manned by a large proportion of the population of Portsmouth is said to have left the Naval city […]