Politicians are bracing themselves to be called facking dinloes this evening as the city of Portsmouth gears itself up to host popular BBC show Question Time.
Politicians set to be called “facking dinloes” at Portsmouth Question time
October 26, 2017 by Leave a Comment
Britain to pull out of drinking in moderation
November 6, 2016 by
Britain is to opt out of the EU policy of moderate drinking at meal times in favour of the traditional British policy of getting as drunk as a monkey on an empty stomach on a Friday night.
Sturgeon “Scotland must decide its own bed time”
August 27, 2015 by Leave a Comment
Scotland should be able to decide what time it goes to bed at night free of diktats from Westminster, according to Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon. Speaking at the Edinburgh Television Festival, Ms Sturgeon said that Scotland’s strict bed time routine orchestrated by Westminster politicians meant that many Scots, having had by law to get […]
SNP have “Big plans for the home counties”
April 20, 2015 by 1 Comment
The SNP have “Big plans for the Home Counties” and are fully prepared to discuss non-Scottish things with non-Scottish people should they hold the balance of power following the General Election on May 7th. SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon told a press conference that should she find herself as Deputy Prime Minister she would immerse herself […]
No 10 offers Scots the power of love
September 21, 2014 by Leave a Comment
David Cameron has confirmed this morning that he will be offering the Scots the power of love in lieu of his pre-referendum devolution pledge. Speaking to members of the press, the Prime Minister explained “We had originally offered the Scottish Parliament greater autonomy in terms of taxation and welfare but it has come to our […]
Britain celebrates as devolution means lots and lots more politicians
September 19, 2014 by Leave a Comment
People across the British Isles have been celebrating throughout the night at news that and English Parliament, a London Parliament, a Cornwall parliament, an East Anglian Parliament and a Manchester Parliament on top of bigger Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish Assemblies mean lots and lots more politicians wittering on incessantly, and troughing it up, all […]
Cameron “Scotland must go to its room”
September 19, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Scotland must go to its bedroom and stay there until it’s taken a good hard look at itself and is ready to join the rest of the United Kingdom without being Mr Shouty, according to Prime Minister of England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland, David Cameron “We’ve all had a good jolly. But it all […]
New Hearing Aid designed to cut out unwanted shouty Scotsmen
September 17, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Can’t hear the television for Alex Salmonds? Avoiding social situations for fear of Gordon Browns? Missing the punchlines of jokes because of Alistair Darling? Fortunately help could be at hand as Swiss hearing aid manufacturer Phonak have announced the general release of a new hearing aid that improves speech intelligibility by cutting out unwanted shouty […]
All Scotsmen to get a free wash and valet
September 16, 2014 by Leave a Comment
All Scotsmen are going to get a free wash, wax and polish if they vote No according to a pledge signed today by Prime Minister David Cameron, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg and Labour leader Ed Miliband. It is not clear whether all Scotsmen will be wheeled through a mechanical wash on a conveyor belt […]
Cameron “Independent Scotland will be like planet of the apes”
September 15, 2014 by Leave a Comment
An independent Scotland will resemble the planet of the apes after a few generations away from Westminster rule according to predictions from a leading London think tank. Speaking in Aberdeen this afternoon, Prime Minister David Cameron said the report should serve as a stark warning to those who feel Scotland should go it alone. “After […]
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