“I’ve been a very bad chancellor” George Osborne tells dominatrix

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has told an undercover  reporter posing as a dominatrix that he has “been a very bad chancellor” and should be “given a proper going over with a leather thwacky thing” for his mismanagement of the economy and total reliance on cutting public services. In contradiction to his confident air […]

Boney M banned from Russia

Members of the 1970s band Boney M have been told that they will face a travel ban on any future trips to Russia should they be planning such a thing according to information released this morning. The band are reportedly on a list of almost a hundred public figures all banned from Russia which includes […]

Conservatives hoping everyone forgets about Iain Duncan Smith

The Conservatives are hoping that everyone forgets about Iain Duncan Smith until at least Friday according to a secret report leaked this afternoon by Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg. Speaking to John Humphreys on the today programme Mr Clegg said “I’m not one for tittle tattle but I was told in private that the Tories […]

2015 election debate to be held on Porn Hub

The Guardian and Daily Telegraph have announced that they are teaming up with on line skin flick vendor Porn Hub to host an online leader’s debate  ahead of the General election in May. A spokesman for the three media outlets explained “People are bored of stagnant debate and lame party political broadcasts on BBC and […]

All Scotsmen to get a free wash and valet

All Scotsmen are going to get a free wash, wax and polish if they vote No according to a pledge signed today by Prime Minister David Cameron, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg and Labour leader Ed Miliband. It is not clear whether all Scotsmen will be wheeled through a mechanical wash on a conveyor belt […]

Salmond “All politicians are bastards except me”

First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond has confirmed this morning that all politicians, English, Scottish or otherwise are bastards except him. Speaking at today’s press conference the SNP leader and Yes vote monger told us “I’m focussing on people who are in the Better together camp but really even those in the Yes camp are […]

MPs to theatrically pretend to look for abuse dossier

MPs are set to spend “a good day or two” overtly and theatrically pretending to look for the so far elusive abuse dossier that was on a desk and then it wasn’t, according to tough new mouth play from privileged product of the establishment and Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking with a very serious look […]

Lib Dem Government would travel the country on a giant flying bollock

A Lib Dem Government would travel the country righting all wrongs and correcting the mistakes of their Conservative coalition leaders on a giant flying bollock, should they be voted in to power at the next General election, according to party Leader and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. Several metres in length and hovering several foot […]

Vince Cable “I’m right behind Nick Clegg until Friday.”

Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills Vince Cable has confirmed that Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has his support at least until the end of the week when he returns from his trip to China. Speaking on the phone from China Mr Cable told us “I’m in China at the moment but I’ve […]

Nick Clegg “I’m not resigning but I might grow a moustache”

Deputy Prime Minister and Leader of the Liberal Democrats Nick Clegg has confirmed this morning that whilst he will not be heeding calls to step down from either position, he would be willing to grow a patch of facial hair above the lip in order to revive the fortunes of  the ailing party. The statement […]