Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills Vince Cable has confirmed that Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has his support at least until the end of the week when he returns from his trip to China.
Speaking on the phone from China Mr Cable told us “I’m in China at the moment but I’ve had a phone call saying that my very good friend Lord Oakeshott has apparently published the results of a poll that says Nick Clegg should go immediately. Well I most certainly didn’t approve leaking the results of any poll, even if it says that he should stand down and make me leader instead. Oh no. In any event, it’s quite obvious that any plot to oust Nick is absolutely nothing to do with me. I’m in China.
“The useless bastard wants us all to disappear up his arse followed closely by himself, like one of those cartoon vacuum cleaners. The sooner I can get back to Britain and help kick him out the… shit I haven’t hung the phone up!” he continued.
Danny Alexander has also voiced his support for the hapless leader at least until Saturday, Sunday or Thursday. “I don’t know what Cable is playing at. He’s not even ginger. Everyone knows Lib Dem leadership is intermittently ginger. Ashdown, non ginger. Kennedy, ginger. Clegg, non ginger. Doesn’t take Einstein to work out I’m next, fuck who put that camera there!” he explained.
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