One Direction hate their fans and prefer the company of people who can’t stand their music according to shock admissions from sources within the band.
“They’re annoying and they’ve got stupid little mouths.” Front man Harry Styles explained. “We don’t want to keep hearing how good our music is because it isn’t. I wrote the entire album ‘Take me home’ whilst taking a shit.
“The concerts are one thing. We’re all lit up and the audience are in the dark so we don’t actually have to see them, and we have special ear plugs so we don’t have to hear our own music either. The rest of the time there’s an all too real risk of actually running into one of them.”
Indeed fellow band member Liam Payne added “Every time someone buys one of our tracks a klaxon goes off and we all shout ‘arsehole’. It was fun to start with but it gets a bit grating day in, day out and quite frankly we could do with a break.
“Calling themselves ‘Directioners’ and spouting off inane drivel about how they view us through their gullible two dimensional eyes. Worst of all they like our music. We can’t stand it. We prefer thrash metal or psy trance. Or jazz. Or country and western. Anything except us really.”
A spokesman for the One Direction fan club said “I simply can’t believe the band have said any of this. Or if they did they’ve been forced to do so by militant Justin Bieber fans.”