Dead people will no longer be able to simply lie underground or float around in the form of minute particles dispersed throughout the atmosphere without putting their hands in their pockets, according to a joint statement made today by Prime Minister David Cameron and Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith.
Speaking in unison to a packed press conference the pair explained “We’ve got to break this cycle of generation after generation of people refusing to do an ounce of work just because they’re pushing up the daisies. They see the bloke buried in the plot next to them putting nothing at all into society and they think Yes, I’ll have a bit of that.
“Popping your clogs must not be seen as a free bus to easy street. It’s not fair on hard working families. People will see our rapidly diminishing health service and take advantage of it by shifting off this mortal coil.”
Hopeful for the Labour leadership, Andy Burnham, assured the public that he would beat about the bush, skirting around the whole issue until such time as he could be assured which point of view would secure him the leadership position and subsequently Prime Minister.
“I can promise you that I’m either for, against or indifferent to the whole proposal. Of course that was the answer to a different question than the one you asked” He explained.