Sweep to be offered job of King if Royals don’t want it

King Sweep

British household favourite Sweep is thought to be the bookies’ favourite to become King of England, should rumours be correct that no actual Royals wish to do it.

BBC Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell said “He’ll be like a breath of fresh air. He may not be perfect but a dog shaped squeaky hand puppet is no more unrealistic than us having to doff our caps to the direct descendants of blood thirsty despots who ruled through murder, fear and oppression. And unlike any of these reluctant younger Royals he’s bang up for the job like a whippet up a drain pipe.”

Former Sooty show present Matthew Corbett told us that a sarcastic pretend canine might be just what a divided Britain needs to make it great again.

“Sweep will do an excellent job of being politically impartial, largely because he communicates via a series of squeaks which only a select few understand. Which is just as well because when it comes to the King’s speech, he will say exactly what the fuck he likes. And it won’t bear any similarities to what Theresa May has written, I can assure you of that.” He explained.

The Daily Mail has today condemned “unpatriotic traitors in collusion with lefties and Muslims” that have criticised the Sweep’s possible ascension to the throne. A source from the paper told us from their offshore tax haven “It’s probably orchestrated by the French. They’re jealous of our squeaky monarchy and want to turn us into some sort of republic.”

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