Barry Chuckle to compete against brother Paul for Labour leadership

Barry Chuckle has this morning denied rumours of any sibling animosity  following the news that he will be running against his  brother Paul in the forthcoming labour leadership battle. One Labour insider told us “Paul Chuckle is furious. Over and above entertaining generations of children with the same joke he has never hidden his naked […]

Russell brand tells people not to vote again

Russell Brand has changed his mind and appealed to the public not to vote. Speaking eloquently through the medium of the English language Mr Brand said “I revert forthwith to my original stance. Forsooth I mistook the emotions I experienced after meeting Ed Miliband for a desire to vote for him and persuade my less […]

David Cameron seen leaving Jim Davidson’s house

David Cameron has reportedly been seen leaving Jim Davidson’s house sparking rumours that he may be wooing the support of the popular comedian. The support of the veteran comedian whose popularity means that he regularly fills provincial town halls and civic centres, holds such power amongst middle England that a thumbs up from him could […]

Boris offers free drugs to all voters

The General Election took an unexpected turn this morning when aspiring Conservative leader Boris Johnson told all floating voters that a vote for his party would mean free drugs. Speaking this morning on the Andrew Marr show where he was vying with Labour Leader Ed Miliband for the best vote winning policies Mr Johnson said […]

Blair “Cameron has weapons of mass destruction”

Former Prime Minister and Labour leader Tony Blair has warned the public that they should not vote for David Cameron as he has weapons of mass destruction, that he can mobilise within 45 minutes. Addressing a heaving press conference Mr Blair said “Britain will take a lurch to the right under a conservative only Government. […]

English voters’ anger at news they can’t vote for the nice welsh lady

Yesterdays leadership debate has been branded farcical by many voters across England who were persuaded to give Plaid Cymru their vote only to find out they apparently couldn’t. One incensed viewer from Surrey said “Apparently I can’t vote for the nice Welsh lady. They tease us by putting someone vaguely normal on these debates and then […]

The Queen “If Labour get in I’ll leave the country”

Her Majesty the Queen has said in no uncertain terms today that she will move abroad if Labour get into power following the forthcoming General Election in May. In a move that will only amplify the despair of the nation and Ed Miliband’s woes she has added her name to a list of potential ex-pats […]

Cameron pledges more resources to lying about NHS

A Conservative only Government will earmark extra funding to lying about the NHS according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at the party’s spring forum Mr Cameron said “The NHS is very important to me and we want to keep it as a lovely memory. I for one am going to look back on it […]

Ed Miliband to intervene as 99p stores to start charging a pound

Labour leader Ed Miliband has promised to intervene in plans for 99p stores to start charging a pound. Speaking to a heaving press conference Mr Miliband said “There’s a cost of living crisis and fat cats putting the price of things up to a quid is just taking the piss. I’ve never been in one […]

Peter Mandelson still sliding under doors

Peter Mandelson is still sliding under doors and appearing at meetings throughout the houses of parliament whether he has been invited to them or not according to parliamentary insiders. One Lib Dem MP said “Is he actually labour? He seems to have been at all the coalition meetings, generally smiling in a slightly unnerving fashion. […]