Brexiters joy as Britain pays Europe £39 billion that could have gone on NHS

Brexiters throughout Britain are celebrating today that Britain could now save £350 million a week to be spent on the NHS by instead paying £39 billion pounds to Europe that could have gone on the NHS.

Conservative voters confident they won’t ever get ill

Conservative voters are looking forward to the next 5 years of a Conservative Government, confident that they themselves will never get ill and as a result won’t be affected by the inevitable demise of the NHS. One voter we spoke to trying to get a last GP check up in told us “I don’t want […]

Cameron pledges more resources to lying about NHS

A Conservative only Government will earmark extra funding to lying about the NHS according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at the party’s spring forum Mr Cameron said “The NHS is very important to me and we want to keep it as a lovely memory. I for one am going to look back on it […]

Osborne pledges £2 billion to chums he sold the NHS to

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has pledged £2 billion of public money to some of his former schoolmates via the formality of the NHS which he has helped sell to his rich chums. The news released in the middle of the night on Saturday has been heralded by the owners of private healthcare suppliers […]

Hunt to tackle ebola with cuts and privatisation

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has vowed to tackle the threat of an ebola epidemic in Britain through a series of stringent cuts, pay freezes and gradual privatisation of the Health Service. Speaking on the set of the Andrew Marr show and ignoring the fact that neither Marr nor any camera crew were present Mr Hunt […]

Cameron “We’ll protect the NHS until we’ve finished selling it”

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised Britain that if re-elected, a conservative government will protect the NHS until such time as they can sell off every last bit of it and make it like America. Speaking on the final day of the Conservative Party conference Mr Cameron said “I am furious that labour think that […]

George Osborne “Poor people must give us a kidney”

Poor people will be expected to donate a vital organ to cover any welfare payments according to new measures announced by George Osborne today. “There’s no such thing as a free lunch” Mr Osborne told Lorraine Kelly in a pre-conference briefing. We have lazy benefit claimants who are not contributing to society yet feel they […]