Cameron to start new life as a farmer

Former Prime Minister David Cameron is to start a new career as a farmer, following his resignation as an MP today.

Cameron “Nigeria has the wrong sort of corruption”

Nigeria needs to get it’s act together and start laundering money through entrenched state endorsed fiscal hypocrisy like Britain, if it wants to be taken seriously on the world stage, according to Prime Minister David Cameron.

Cameron to visit flood hit Venice

Prime Minister David Cameron is to visit flood hit Venice as a show of solidarity with the locals who have found themselves surrounded by water. Speaking from outside a COBRA meeting regarding the recent flooding, Mr Cameron said that he would personally be travelling to Venice, either by way of private jet or at a […]

Osborne “We’re not subsidising northerners and their fancy water houses”

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has this morning ruled out any state assistance for northerners with fancy water houses which enjoy running water of up to 3 feet high through the downstairs rooms. “I’m all for a northern powerhouse but  if they think we’re paying for their oop North surrogate Venice then they can […]

Cameron “We’ve already promised the business to our arms dealer friends”

Prime Minister David Cameron has made an impassioned plea to all MPs to think of year on year growth in the arms sector before voting for any options other than the indiscriminate bombing of Syria. Any move not involving blanket bombing the few remaining bits of Syria that have not already  been bombed,  he argued, […]

Britain to bomb all venomous snakes

Britain is to bomb all countries that have venomous snakes in order to stop them biting people once and for all according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking to a a packed press conference outside a COBRA meeting the premier said “We’re only going to be bombing countries that have these dangerous serpents. It’s the […]

Cameron lodges complaint to himself about himself

David Cameron has demanded an immediate inquiry, headed by himself, to look into how he was allowed to make complaints to himself about himself. “Something’s got to be done about it” Mr Cameron reportedly told himself in a strongly worded letter. “It’s gone too far. It started off with a harmless game of cutting off […]

Cameron and Osborne to review powers of Lords they’re not related to

 David Cameron and George Osborne have today promised a thorough review into the powers of the Lords, apart from the ones that they’re related to or are related to people they went to Eton with. A Downing Street spokesman said the Government would examine “how to protect the ability of elected governments, namely us, to […]

Cameron urges poor people to stop it

David Cameron has today delivered a once in a generation speech to the nation in which he urged poor people to stop being poor right now and making everyone feel guilty. Speaking at the finale of the Conservative party conference the Prime Minister said “I’m going to end poverty once and for all with this […]

Cameron to authorise moat between Dover and Calais

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised to build a moat between Dover and Calais in an attempt to stop illegal immigrants and asylum seekers literally walking over the border. Speaking to a heaving press conference the Prime Minister said “The situation in Calais is not acceptable and it is absolutely this government’s priority to deal […]