Cameron to authorise moat between Dover and Calais

cameron calais

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised to build a moat between Dover and Calais in an attempt to stop illegal immigrants and asylum seekers literally walking over the border.

Speaking to a heaving press conference the Prime Minister said “The situation in Calais is not acceptable and it is absolutely this government’s priority to deal with it. Now I know you’re probably expecting us to go down the route of more guard dogs, extra security and barbed wire but I think in times such as these, we need nothing short of a 30 mile wide moat, with waves and everything, Then we can all be assured that no further racial diversity will tarnish these shores. In fact unless they can somehow get on a boat or find some sort of tunnel running between the two countries then I think you’ll find that’s the problem wrapped up.

“If we can’t keep them out with a giant moat then we’ll just have to give up with the whole borders thing and go with the fact that they’re all people like us and they’re beneficial to the economy. Now we could of course bow to the wishes of our back-benchers and, spend a fortune filling the moat with crocodiles but  these immigrants are crafty and they might just learn to step across them like Roger Moore’s James Bond in Live and Let Die.

However the plans have not been without  critics, even from within Cameron’s own cabinet.  One source told us: .

“It’s ridiculous. No-one will want to do business with us if they can’t get to us by road. And if this moat cuts us of from the outside world then we’ll become short sighted, shallow thinking island monkeys that cover for our own shortfalls by blaming them on foreigners.”


  1. They’ll only rub themselves in lard and try to swim it!

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