Cameron to start new life as a farmer

Former Prime Minister David Cameron is to start a new career as a farmer, following his resignation as an MP today.

“I’ll be keeping pigs and cows and sheep and pigs.” Mr Cameron explained following news that he has bought some farmland near Cocking in West Sussex.

“I think I need a simpler life. Up with the lark, feeding the pigs, and the other livestock, and the pigs, mucking them out, plying them with alcohol. I expect Sam will find it all a bit boring and want to go out on day trips. A lot. So it’ll be just me, and the pigs. And the other livestock of course. And some soft music. And the pigs.”

Mr Cameron is said to have full support from Compassion in Farming following his promise that he would be very nice to the animals indeed. However the former Premier is still pragmatic about the animals’ eventual fate and hinted that his own range of charcuterie products will be on supermarket shelves in the near future.

“You might even see a sausage appearing with my name on it. The pigs certainly will. Naughty pigs.”