A Downing Street spokesman said the Government would examine “how to protect the ability of elected governments, namely us, to go about their business of fucking over anyone and everyone, particularly those on lower incomes, without being hindered by troublesome oiks who have been given titles by previous governments less posh than us.”
David Cameron said “There’s been a worrying trend towards making someone a Lord just because they’ve either ‘achieved something’ or are very ‘knowledgeable’. And look at the mess this has got us into. Half of them have ended up having some sort of conscience. It won’t do.
“We need a return to a House of Lords filled with 11th Marquis’s of Nether Winchendon who aren’t afraid to be carried into the house on chairs by teams of downtrodden poor people to whom they pay bugger all, before retiring to the members lounge, quaffing champagne on the public purse and sticking their wangers in a pigs head”.
George Osborne has assured critics that some Lords will retain voting power even if they do not appear on the same family tree as himself of his close friends. “It’s a broad church. By family we really mean anyone we’d go hunting with.” He explained.