Nigeria needs to get it’s act together and start laundering money through entrenched state endorsed fiscal hypocrisy like Britain, if it wants to be taken seriously on the world stage, according to Prime Minister David Cameron.
Speaking at the Anti-corruption conference in London, Mr Cameron said that countries like Nigeria and Afghanistan were going to have to up their game if they wanted to be corrupt and somehow act as a moral compass.
“For example, I’m Prime Minister of a Government that presides over the money laundering capital of the world whilst simultaneously selling off my country’s assets at a knock down price for my rich cronies. And we’re still in the top ten least corrupt countries in the world. In your face. Check me the fuck out.
“Bribery and extortion will absolutely not be tolerated, but if you want to do it in another country and bring all the cash over here for us to make it legitimate, then obviously that’s fine.
“We do appreciate many countries like Nigeria are making progress and we hope one day we’ll be able to bring the proceeds of our own crimes over there to be handed to a nice man in a suit and made to appear legitimate.”
In other news the Queen was overheard to call the entire delegation “wankers”