David Cameron’s mother joins Lib Dems

Prime Minister David Cameron has told critics that he is “quite comfortable” with the fact that his mother has become a paid up member of the Lib dems. Playing down an rumours of any sort of family rift Mr Cameron said “The marvellous thing about a democracy is that there is room for all of […]

Osborne warns of further spending cunts

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has warned of further cunts to public spending in next months budget. Mr Osborne said that global economic turmoil and slower growth meant undertaking further reductions. But not ones with a single shred of morality. “We’re going to have to make some more difficunt decisions” He explained. “I’ve looked […]

Hunt “No GP call outs for monkeys jumping on the bed”

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has vowed today to press on with cuts to the NHS that would virtually eliminate funds for GPs to carry out home visits where they strongly advise monkeys to desist from jumping on the bed. Speaking on the Marr show, Mr Hunt said “Obviously we expect Doctors to turn up at […]

Government to sort out flooding with austerity measures

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has confirmed today that the Government will sort out all the recent flooding by way of a series of harsh cuts in public spending. Speaking to people in the north of England via the television, where he was being interviewed in a nice dry government building in a city […]

Cameron lodges complaint to himself about himself

David Cameron has demanded an immediate inquiry, headed by himself, to look into how he was allowed to make complaints to himself about himself. “Something’s got to be done about it” Mr Cameron reportedly told himself in a strongly worded letter. “It’s gone too far. It started off with a harmless game of cutting off […]

Disabled people honoured to subsidise RBS sell off

Disabled people throughout Britain have told of their immense pride and honour at being able to pay for the loss making Government sell-off of the Royal Bank of Scotland through cuts to their benefits. People with disabilities throughout the UK are thought to be descending on the houses of parliament en masse to thank the […]

Government pass law making it illegal not to be conservative

George Osborne has confirmed today that he will be passing a law banning any future Governments not being Conservative. Speaking ahead of his annual Mansion House speech on Wednesday, George Osborne outlined his plans to ensure future governments “act like a bit of a git” even when there is no evidence based reason for doing […]

You too can become a millionaire in five easy steps

The more money you have the better a person you are. Everyone knows that. Prostituting yourself in a wide eyed evangelical fashion to the corporate Gods can be time consuming, leaving precious few hours for sitting in poncy wine bars making sure everyone knows that you are drinking expensive champagne which secretly you don’t even […]

Tens of people join Pro-austerity marches

Literally tens of people have taken part in pro-austerity marches held throughout Europe today. The march which included a mixture of politicians, corporations heads and landed gentry is thought to have sent a clear and decisive message to anti-austerity campaigners to know their place and stop being so silly. One marcher told us that the […]

Millions march to thank the Government for its austerity measures

Millions of public sector workers have today been for an organised walk with a spattering of recreational shouting in thanks to the Government for it’s austerity measures which have been widely seen as unequivocally improving the standard of living for one and all and making Britain great again. One teacher who was waving a ‘Hooray […]