Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has confirmed today that the Government will sort out all the recent flooding by way of a series of harsh cuts in public spending.
Speaking to people in the north of England via the television, where he was being interviewed in a nice dry government building in a city that has spent billions on flood defences, Mr Osborne said “We’ll be making some difficult decisions. Or one difficult decision to be more accurate. It’ll be exactly the same ‘difficult decision’ we always make, which inevitably involves us defecating upon the entire population with the exception of our rich friends. And rest assured, that’ll sort the flooding out in a jiffy.”
One Surrey resident said “I simply don’t see why we the taxpayer should cough up for something that doesn’t affect me directly and immediately at this point in time. It’s probably their own fault they’re wet anyway. They knew the risks. Or something.”
Indeed, the Government have warned residents of Yorkshire and Cumbria that significant investment in the country’s infrastructure as proposed by labour leader Jeremy Corbyn would actually cause the flood water to be a foot or so higher. And would be unfair on hard working families.
One Yorkshire resident asked “Is this the trickle down effect?”