“Last chance to catch gonorrhoea” warn scientists

Sexually promiscuous people trying to pick up a dose of gonorrhoea have been urged to get on with it, whilst it can still be cured in the event that they decide afterwards that they don’t actually like it and want to get better.

A spokesman for the Department of Health told us “Right now we can still cure it. The trouble is rather than catch it now, people just think they can wait and pick it up at their leisure in a few years time. Sadly it’s part of the ‘live for today, something for nothing’ culture.”

The advice has come under some scrutiny from critics arguing that just picking up gonorrhoea at the drop of a hat can be easier said than done. Indeed one prospective sufferer said:

“All my friends have rip-roaring stories about how they’ve picked up a dose and been cured with a trip down the clinic. So far I’ve not even picked up so much as a rash. I feel like time is running out. I’ve been offered a variety of STDs but I don’t want anything serious. Just a simple bacterial infection that will clear up in a few weeks if I take some pills. It’s not too much to ask.”