Pope relaxes Catholic rules on felching

Pope Francis has unveiled reforms intended to relax formerly strict Catholic rules on felching in a speech made today.

Speaking to a heaving press conference outside the Vatican, his Holiness said “We don’t want to alienate half our flock who may at some time have had cause to engage in felching, perhaps through no fault of their own. I’m not giving blanket approval. You’ll still have to get permission from a Bishop.”

The reforms have not been without their share of criticism, partly from staunch traditionalists within the church and partly from those who feel he may have been confused or even mistaken about the actual meaning of felching.

Pope Francis has hit back at his  critics saying “I said felching and I mean felching. You know, felching when someone gets their marriage annulled and goes on to marry someone else. Felching. I have it right here on Wikipedia, look there you see it…

“Oh shit.”