All disaffected youth are to be made to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as part of moves announced today by the Government to cut crime to levels to those found in 1960’s musicals.
Justice Secretary Michael Gove said “We need to return to a golden age where Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Mary Poppins and The Railway Children are on every Christmas. Obviously they still are on every Christmas, but the difference was we had to watch it because it was the 1970’s and there was absolutely bollock all else to do. So we should force all our youth to watch it now. By violence if necessary.
“We need a return to an age where an adult randomly starts singing a previously unheard song and apparently the children all know it and join in, adding their own verses.
“That’ll stop them sticking legal highs up their arses and hanging around gangstering in pedestrian precincts.” He explained.
The move which has already been piloted in Lewisham and has reportedly reduced crime levels to little more than scrumping. One youthy type told us “It’s changed my life. Obviously we can’t afford an open top classic car or a country house so we’ve been sitting on our Grandad’s mobility scooter singing all the songs and running over people on pavements.
“And the nearest I’ve got to getting in any trouble was a criminal record for attacking a bloke in Trafalgar Square. We went to feed the birds and the bastard wanted more than tuppence a bag.”