Police forces throughout the country have been arresting their last burglars this afternoon before signing off at about 3ish for a well earned two week Christmas break.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine” One custody sergeant told us “Theresa May thinks we only need about two policemen to keep the country safe anyway, and there’s bound to be a couple on duty somewhere or other, so we’re taking a proper Christmas break like everyone else.
“I think I’m back on the 4th or 5th. I’ve got it written down somewhere. Either way it’s next year so I’m off down the pub.”
One Drugs squad officer told us that the anniversary of the baby Jesus was hardly an appropriate time to be abusing narcotics and as a result they wouldn’t really be needed until the new year.
“It’s lucky that criminals take the same time off. Otherwise we’d have to work through the whole festive season. No-one is working too hard today. And we’ve just raided a crack house wearing our Christmas jumpers.”