Farage “Europeans enjoying free foreign holidays”

Europeans are enjoying free foreign holidays at our expense according to UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

Police break up for Christmas holidays

Police forces throughout the country have been arresting their last burglars this afternoon before signing off at about 3ish for a well earned two week Christmas break. “I’m sure it’ll be fine” One custody sergeant told us  “Theresa May thinks we only need about two policemen to keep the country safe anyway, and there’s bound […]

Mark Steele “We should stop selling towels to Germany”

Hi I’m Mark Steele. I’m a cheeky young lefty chappy in his fifties. I was just reading about Spanish authorities charging Germans for leaving their towels on sun loungers over night. And I thought to myself, this is our fault. More to the point it’s Thatcher’s. Ok everyone knows that the Germans annexe every bit […]

Dull people attempt to fill their meaningless lives with pointless retail therapy

Dull people throughout the western world have today made up for yesterdays “Jesus doesn’t want the shops open day” by attending shops, town centres and shopping lifestyle villages en masse, as the Boxing day sales offered these people a welcome return to glossing over the futility of their meaningless lives. One shopper we spoke to […]

Shops stock up as public start panic buying wild animals for Christmas

Departments store owners John Lewis, Debenhams and Timothy Whites are preparing themselves for record sales of live animals as many of the British public look set to recreate realistic nativity scenes in their own homes, planning to have the whole thing set up by early to mid November. One buyer told us “Many people imagine […]