Diesel powered juggernaut promoting diabetes causing drink to celebrate Jesus’ birthday

A large diesel powered lorry is to drive around the country hijacking a religious festival to promote it’s own corporate agenda, with free samples of a drink that erodes your teeth and causes diabetes.

David Cameron “I worship lots of Gods”

Prime Minister David Cameron has this morning revealed that he actually worships a number of different Gods depending on who he is talking to, what policies he is trying to implement and what mood he is in at the time. Under fire for previously categorising Britain as a solely Christian country, the Premier told us: […]

Easter bunny urges Christians to butt out of Easter

What appears to be a man dressed up in a rabbit costume has this morning issued a countrywide plea to the public to shun organised religion and remember the real meaning of Easter. “It’s all about the eggs, ideally ones that are mass produced by huge corporate confectionery companies. My job is to deliver chocolate […]

Baroness Warsi “Atheists must worship a log”

Atheists are going to have to denounce their secularism and worship a log according to new legislation announced today by Minister for Faith and Communities, Baroness Warsi. Baroness Warsi has denounced atheist academic Richard Dawkins as a “secular fundamentalist”. “We’re going to stamp secular fundamentalism out. If you don’t believe in God, Allah, Buddah or […]

Britain to expect 18 foot of rain

Britain is set to experience rainfall equivalent of the height of 3 tall men standing on top of each other or one giant, according to reports from the Met office this morning. Caused it seems by what is known as a constipated cloud which gathers moisture for a number of months before dropping it’s entire […]

Aspiring women Bishops turn to Satan

Aspiring women Bishops are leaving the Church of England in their droves and moving to worship the Dark Lord Satan according to the latest figures released by the Office of National statistics this morning. It appears that despite the agreement of the Synod to reconsider the matter of women Bishops next year, many lady vicars […]

Royal baby indoctrinated into state sponsored cult

The official indoctrination of Prince George into a bizarre state sponsored cult has taken place in the Chapel Royal at St James’s Palace in London. According to a Palace insider “it was a tough choice between Christianity, Islam, scientology and Neptune God of the sea but in the end Christianity offered the best rates with […]

Shops stock up as public start panic buying wild animals for Christmas

Departments store owners John Lewis, Debenhams and Timothy Whites are preparing themselves for record sales of live animals as many of the British public look set to recreate realistic nativity scenes in their own homes, planning to have the whole thing set up by early to mid November. One buyer told us “Many people imagine […]

Lack of prayer blamed for shit ‘snow day’

Households throughout the country have had to unexpectedly cancel their day in the pub, as the lack of snow this morning has left many with little choice but to go into work. The Right Reverend Justin Welby the soon to be Archbishop of Canterbury has told the nation that people only have their blasphemous selves […]

Church of England “Gay Bishops must sit on space hoppers”

Gay Bishops will be required to preach their sermons whilst bouncing up and down on space hoppers in another shift in their policy on homosexuality in the clergy. After talks between the outgoing Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams and his replacement the Rt Rev Justin Welby it has been decided that there is no […]