Prime Minister David Cameron has this morning revealed that he actually worships a number of different Gods depending on who he is talking to, what policies he is trying to implement and what mood he is in at the time.
Under fire for previously categorising Britain as a solely Christian country, the Premier told us:
“I wake up in the morning, pull the curtains back to check out the weather, and if it’s a nice day I often decide I’m going to worship Rah Egyptian God of the sun. On another day it might be Neptune God of the sea or perhaps Ganesh the elephant God. And as I’m the Prime Minister I expect everyone in Britain to do exactly the same.
“In fairness I’m shopping around for the best religion at the moment. I’ve yet to find a deity of any description who supports austerity measures. But the moment that I do I’ll be worshipping at their shrine like a whippet up a drain pipe.”
Mr Cameron is apparently not alone in his search for a suitable deity. Brandishing a copy of ‘Which God?’ Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Iain Duncan Smith told us “If we can just find a religion that advocates dismantling the National Health Service, discriminating against the disabled and chastising the providers of and users of food banks then we’re on to a winner.”
Indeed a Government source has revealed that the little known and highly judgemental deity ‘Mungo. God of Daily Mail journalists’ may well be a favourite for Government religion of choice. However, head of the Church of England Justin Welby told us that he had deep reservations about the country changing religious direction on a daily basis.
“It’s alright for you normal people, but I’m right up at the top and I have to wear all the get up. Whenever we change religion, I have to buy a new frock” he explained.
News Toad 
Leave a Reply