Paul Flowers set to replace David Moyes as Manchester United Boss

paul flowers

David Moyes is facing the sack in the next 24 hours and is set to be replaced by former Co-operative bank boss, the Reverend Paul Flowers, according to News Toad sources.

The outgoing Premier League champions have refused to comment on the widespread reports circulating on Monday afternoon, but News Toad sources suggest Moyes will be gone by Tuesday at the latest and will more than likely be replaced by a coke snorting vicar.

Moyes has endured a difficult reign since taking charge of United last summer, but the club were expected to stand by the Scot, despite a lack of success in domestic and European competitions. One insider told us “There’s more to the game than just winning or scoring goals, as Moyes has proved,  but if we’re now going to be carrying on doing neither, then we would rather be managed by a man of the cloth with a history of mismanaging large financial institutions, preferably one that’s been videoed scoring a months supply of Bolivian marching powder.”

Sir Alex Ferguson had urged the club to give the next manager time when he stepped down in May after a glittering spell at Old Trafford, but owners, the Glazer family, seem to have lost patience. A source close to the brothers explained “They’re willing to play the long game. But only if it involves a hapless priest with a history of mismanaging a bank and the alleged propensity towards a cheeky line.”

Van Gaal who had also been considered for the role told us ” I wish him every success”.

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