Paul Flowers set to replace David Moyes as Manchester United Boss

David Moyes is facing the sack in the next 24 hours and is set to be replaced by former Co-operative bank boss, the Reverend Paul Flowers, according to News Toad sources. The outgoing Premier League champions have refused to comment on the widespread reports circulating on Monday afternoon, but News Toad sources suggest Moyes will […]

Co-op members set to vote to carry on being shit

Former City Minister Lord Myners has said he is still confident he can persuade members of the Co-operative Group to vote for the troubled company to try not to be quite so shit, despite quitting the board due to growing opposition to his plans. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political show ‘Afternoon bollocks’  Lord Myners explained “I […]

Paul Flowers to present new series of Jim’ll fix it

Disgraced former Priest, Labour Councillor, charity boss and Chairman of the Cooperative bank Paul Flowers is set to present a new series of Jim’ll Fix It, according to BBC insiders. Mr Flowers who is due to be changing his first name to Jim specifically for the new position told of his excitement at bagging the […]

Paul Flowers “I’ll take less drugs and learn to do sums”

Former Cooperative bank chairman Paul Flowers has assured members of the public that should he end up in charge of a bank again he will take far less drugs and learn to do sums. “I think the best thing is to learn from your mistakes. I’ve lost my job as a priest, a local Government Labour […]

“It wasn’t even good stuff” says Paul Flowers

Former Co-operative Bank boss Paul Flowers has told critics that the Daily Mail’s recent video of him buying cocaine was part of a double disappointment to him as apparently it wasn’t even good stuff. “I wouldn’t have minded if I had spent the rest of the night bouncing about like the bastard love child of […]