More immigrants needed to dilute Daily Mail readers gene pool

The Government are today facing calls to rapidly increase immigration in order to dilute the gene pool of Daily Mail readers, Daily Express readers and UKIPPers, which continues to show no signs of breeding with anyone else apart from other like minded Caucasians with the same newspaper reading habits, often hailing from the same village.

The sudden increase in numbers of people reading shit newspapers is thought to have reached epidemic proportions with many having children who in turn grow up to whip themselves up into a jingoistic frenzy with antagonistic headlines about asylum seekers every morning.

One protester explained that whilst he wasn’t newpaperist, the whole thing had gone a little bit too far the other way in his opinion.

“They’re a little bit inbred, they blame all their own shortfalls on immigrants or benefit claimants, yet the Government has just been standing by, doing nothing to encourage essential immigration which would dilute their gene pool. And the situation is becoming critical. They already exhibit chromosomal abnormalities such as getting repeatedly upset about exactly the same story in the Mail every time it is rehashed.”

Another said he would be quite prepared to bribe immigrants to move over here if the Government weren’t prepared to.

“It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. Just get yourselves over here and we will of course offer you a house, a car and your choice of a dog or a cat. Please come.”