Brexiters welcome new influx of immigrants from around the world

Brexiters have come together to welcome the new influx of immigrants from around the world that they voted for by opting out of the European single market

Immigrants disguising themselves as Elf on the Shelf

Many families hosting an Elf on the Shelf this Christmas may unwittingly be harbouring an illegal immigrant who left unattended would most likely take your job and convert your children to Islam according to UKIP leader Paul Nuttall.

“Promise our wages won’t go up” British workers implore May

British workers have asked Prime Minister Theresa May for cast iron guarantees that their wages will carry on falling, and to ensure that they don’t have enough money to pay bills and get ideas above their station.

Voters’ confusion as immigrants still here

A leave voter has told of his anguish this morning on waking up to find that there were some foreign people in his immediate vicinity who appeared to be showing no signs of packing their bags and shockingly seemed to be living their lives like nothing had happened.

Farage “Immigrants stole my tax returns”

Immigrants have stolen Nigel Farage’s tax returns leaving him unable to publish them according to a statement issued today by the UKIP leader.

Channel tunnel to be made one-way following Brexit

The channel tunnel will be made one way so trains will only travel from England to France in the event of any exit from the European Union according to Justice Secretary Michael Gove. Speaking on this morning’s episode of the Marr show, Mr Gove said “It only goes both ways now because of European bureaucrats […]

Theresa May “Father Christmas to report illegal immigrants”

Father Christmas will be expected to report all persons suspected of not being from round here and not being in possession of the relevant papers, according to new Government legislation announced this morning. Home Secretary Theresa May said that anyone thinking they could just come over here and enjoy a pagan festival which was hijacked […]

Daily Mail readers fury as asylum seekers wear shirts and sip tea

A spokesman for the Home Office has apologised this morning following revelations that a number of asylum seekers were seen sipping tea from cups and wearing shirts. The news comes as some asylum seekers were ferried from London to Manchester in a Hummer, for exactly the same price to the tax-payer as a mini-bus, when […]

More immigrants needed to dilute Daily Mail readers gene pool

The Government are today facing calls to rapidly increase immigration in order to dilute the gene pool of Daily Mail readers, Daily Express readers and UKIPPers, which continues to show no signs of breeding with anyone else apart from other like minded Caucasians with the same newspaper reading habits, often hailing from the same village. […]

Plucky UKIP dog stops immigrant from taking all our jobs

The people of Rochester and Strood have come together to show their appreciation for an unlikely four legged hero who single handedly prevented an immigrant from taking all our jobs. Oswald, a red setter, barked at a man who looked like he might well come from somewhere else and this most likely prevented him from […]