Farage “Immigrants stole my tax returns”

Immigrants have stolen Nigel Farage’s tax returns leaving him unable to publish them according to a statement issued today by the UKIP leader.

Appealing to anyone with knowledge of the theft probably by those immigrants, Mr Farage said “I’m as upset as everyone else about this, but my tax returns have gone, vanished into thin air and quite frankly it’s a compelling reason to leave the EU and stop immigration.

“I’m a beer swilling man of the people, and certainly not just a self-serving former city broker, who is just as much a part of the corrupt establishment as the rest of my chums in the 1%. I’d show you my tax returns right now if they hadn’t been stolen by pesky immigrants.”

Indeed, Mr Farage added that should by some strange quirk of fate, his tax returns suddenly be found and mysteriously highlight a number of unusual offshore investments then it would be high time to shut the door on immigration and get out of the EU.

“It’s not my fault that immigrants are coming over here and taking up all the room meaning that I have to move my money to an offshore fund because of lack of space.” He wailed.

The statement has had widespread support from the public, particularly the ones who read the Daily Express.

One UKIP supporter told us “Osborne, Cameron, Johnson, Corbyn all publishing their tax returns. Not Nigel though. He’s one of us. He’s like a breath of fresh air.”