There won’t be a no deal Brexit recession because laughing smiley face

There won’t be any sort of recession following a no deal Brexit because “laughing smiley face” and “we won get over it”, according to experts.

Royal baby photos released by media thinking it’s the 1970s and anyone cares

Some photos of a perfectly normal baby on her first birthday are being widely publicised by the media today, due to a dark feudal lineage based on her ancestors seizing totalitarian power through a murderous rampage.

More immigrants needed to dilute Daily Mail readers gene pool

The Government are today facing calls to rapidly increase immigration in order to dilute the gene pool of Daily Mail readers, Daily Express readers and UKIPPers, which continues to show no signs of breeding with anyone else apart from other like minded Caucasians with the same newspaper reading habits, often hailing from the same village. […]

Britain to expect 18 foot of rain

Britain is set to experience rainfall equivalent of the height of 3 tall men standing on top of each other or one giant, according to reports from the Met office this morning. Caused it seems by what is known as a constipated cloud which gathers moisture for a number of months before dropping it’s entire […]

“What’s wrong with us?” demand Government as Romanians fail to arrive

The Romanian and Bulgarian ambassadors to Britain have been summoned to Downing street for urgent talks this morning following the complete absence of the stampede of immigrants expected on New Years day. Prime Minister David Cameron explained “We were supposed to wake up on New years day to find them all camping on roundabouts and […]

Thatcher alive and working in a bar in Gambia

The Government were today rethinking the £12 million funeral planned for former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher after reports that she is actually alive and working in a beach bar in the Gambia. Gone it appears is her ginger hair and her steely demeanour.  The new life in the sun has made her black, well built […]

Duchess of Cambridge has a difficult poo.

The Duchess of Cambridge has confirmed the recent baby news from the BBC as a false alarm as it has turned out to be a ‘difficult poo’. In a statement this afternoon, the Duchess told us “I was convinced that I was pregnant, but on the other hand I hadn’t dropped the kids off at […]