Some photos of a perfectly normal baby on her first birthday are being widely publicised by the media today, due to a dark feudal lineage based on her ancestors seizing totalitarian power through a murderous rampage.
A spokesman for either the Daily Mail or the Daily Express said “She’s quite adorable in the way most one year olds are but we’re printing pictures of her in particular due to a false belief that normal people who don’t move in media circles will fawn over it, get out their best chocolate biscuits, plan a street party and hang some bunting out or something.”
Kensington Palace said the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were “delighted” to share the new pictures of Charlotte, thus cementing the illusion that not only they themselves were better than other couples but also that they had better children.
“You can put your own photos of your children on Facebook, probably eating a pop tart or something and your friends can pretend to like them. But then they’ll probably end up working for our children or serving them in a shop which is why our photos are more important.” A spokesman for the Duke and Duchess explained.
One Royalist told us “It’s all so fantastic, the Queen turning 90, the Royal baby turning one God bless them all and all who sail …you know what. Screw it. I didn’t vote for them. Lets get rid of them.”
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