British workers have asked Prime Minister Theresa May for cast iron guarantees that their wages will carry on falling, and to ensure that they don’t have enough money to pay bills and get ideas above their station.
The demands come following a recent poll showing that working people feel they are not downtrodden enough and worry that if left unchecked they might earn more, even in the worse possible scenario becoming comfortably off.
One angry worker told us “I look at my pay slip every month with sheer disappointment. I got so excited about all these drastic cuts that we were supposed to be having and then I find out I’m only earning a little but less than I did last year. I might not even have to take out a payday loan. It’s not right. Thatcher never would have stood for it.”
“It’s immigrants pushing the wages up. They need to go back to their own countries were incomes are going up every year rather than coming over here improving our economy.” Another member of the workforce explained.
However Mrs May has defended the conservative record on equality and assured critics that by the end of her term in office she would reduce the average wage from virtually fuck all to literally fuck all.
“I’d like to point out the tremendous progress a conservative government has already made in reducing average wages by 10% since we came into power. But there is still work to be done. We won’t rest until London is awash with street urchins with caps. no shoes and grubby faces.”