Bloke having crisis on Facebook found enjoying himself in pub

A man having an apparent  crisis on Facebook has been found safe and sound, not upset at all and enjoying a pint in his local.

It’s not known whether police are likely to press charges following an incident where Brian Kettle from Aylesbury posted “I just don’t know why I bother” followed by a sad face icon and then nothing further to elaborate on the matter, prompting messages of gushing sympathy from Facebook friends which he then allegedly viewed with some amusement over a few beers.

Even if police decide not to take the matter further, Mr Kettle may be liable for civil litigation from people who sent “Big hugs” via the popular social media website.

One furious friend of Mr Kettle said “I pressed that new like button on Facebook that has a sad face and tears. I told Brian he should stay away from negative people and learn to love himself. All the normal shit. And that’s 5 minutes of my life I’d never get back at the best of times. Obviously I then went to the pub to reward myself for being so bloody nice and who do I see but fucking Brian, downing a Kronenburg and grinning like a Cheshire cat.”

Another Facebook friend told us he wouldn’t be nearly so gullible next time.

“Next time he’s upset I’m going to go round and see him and actually make sure he is upset before going online and sending him some sort of generic commiseration. The time wasting bastard.”