Bloke having crisis on Facebook found enjoying himself in pub

A man having an apparent crisis on Facebook has been found safe and sound, not upset at all and enjoying a pint in his local.

“Stop naming us” say MPs who voted for disability benefit cuts

Conservative MPs who voted for £30 a week cuts in benefits for disabled people have asked today for people to stop naming them on social media so they can continue to claim huge expenses and lie about giving a shit.

Farage fury as Facebook take down pictures of bell-ends

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has spoken today of his fury that his own image is no longer viewable on popular social network site Facebook due to new rules regarding the display of photographic images of tits, arses and bell-ends. Speaking via the ruder and more sweary site Twitter, Mr Farage said “I’m shocked, outraged and […]

“Please make your Facebook more interesting” beg Security Services

UK spy boss Charles Farr has made an impassioned plea to Facebook users to try to make their Facebook profile and status updates more interesting after complaints from his own agents. “We’ve read most of your profiles by now and I’ve got to say Christ what are you people thinking? It’s one thing to bore […]

Sarah Palin taunts Piers Morgan with strangled panda

Sarah Palin has today made clear her intentions to continue the execution of non edible animals until such time that Piers Morgan backs down and concedes that guns aren’t dangerous. The one time vice presidential nominee, subsequent darling of the Tea Party and daughter of Monty Python actor Michael Palin, has responded to a request to […]

Page 3 to start showing men’s bollocks

The Sun newspaper has confirmed today that under recently increasing pressure from protest groups to ban boobs on page three, it has decided to keep them but offset them with a picture of a mans bollocks to make it fair. “It’s not fair that men have to buy the sun when they want to see […]

Government accused of favouritism towards hard working people

The Government have today been accused today of pandering to the wishes of hard working people. Speaking at a press conference this morning shouty number cruncher Eddie Balls warned that hard working people would not longer be able to expect an easy ride under a Labour administration. “First it was the bankers, then politicians, now […]

Candy Crush Saga revealed as front for Church of Scientology

It starts out as fun, then you have to pay money, then you find out we are descendants of aliens. Only when you finally decide it’s all bollocks and decide to knock the whole thing on the head that you start to get vans with blacked out windows permanently parked outside your house. To make […]

Panda latest casualty as Google ‘street car’ body count rises

Men, women, children and animals have been advised to only leave their homes if ‘absolutely essential’ as the number of road kill deaths from the ‘Google street car’ has reached ‘epidemic proportions’. The alleged cause of this sudden rise in mortality is that Google drivers are expected to drive, film, complete paperwork and access porn […]