Donald Trump has issued an ultimatum to all elephants to cease and desist having big ears and a long trunk as tensions grow between the president and various factions of the animal kingdom.
Mr Trump has long complained that his predecessor Barack Obama’s policy of not shooting elephants would be seen by as a weakness and has lead to them walking around their natural habitat with big feet.
“We are required by our constitution to shoot things. And somehow Obama thought it was a good idea to ban shooting these huge slow moving easy targets. We’re going to get together and have a really great elephant shooting policy.”
Whilst opinion is divided on the matter, Trump is thought to have widespread support from members of the public who voted for him, have guns and like shooting elephants.
“Trump supporters have had to suffer mass unemployment, lower wages and rising prices. Then they see these elephants lolloping along and helping themselves to passing vegetation they quite rightly feel disenfranchised.” One political analyst explained.
“Not only that but many ordinary people have found themselves paying to enter bizarre animal hotels where a number of animals, elephants included appear to eat, sleep and be fed at no fiscal cost to the elephants themselves. These “zoos” as they are apparently called still remain despite Trump’s attempts to change the law and evict the animals on to the streets to fend for themselves.”
Trump’s spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders said “We are just waiting for a response from Elephantistan. The ball is in their court,”
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