Royal baby indoctrinated into state sponsored cult


The official indoctrination of Prince George into a bizarre state sponsored cult has taken place in the Chapel Royal at St James’s Palace in London. According to a Palace insider “it was a tough choice between Christianity, Islam, scientology and Neptune God of the sea but in the end Christianity offered the best rates with no restrictions on a piss up afterwards”

In Royal circles it is seen as important to sign yourself up to a deity, as any afterlife is likely to contain numerous other former Royals, all attempting to rule the roost. Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, who was performing the ceremony, explained  “For the Lord is vengeful.  If on judgement day he realises that you haven’t been baptised in a fuck off great chapel by a highly important vicar surrounded by filthy rich aristocrats then he will not allow you into heaven, such will be his wrath. So it’s very important to be wealthy and well connected if you want to stay in his good books.”

The christening was private, with only senior royals, four members of the Middleton family, the godparents, two floating nuns and a burlesque dancer invited. The British public whilst not invited were comforted in the knowledge that they had chipped in for it.

Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell was not invited but told us that he wasn’t too disappointed. “At least I was there for the conception” he conceded.


  1. I am disappointed you made no mention of me. Albeit a fact that I am a shape shifter by day and therefore generally go unnoticed in a crowd I was I can assure at the event! Indeed I played a crucial role. Not a lot of people know this yet I doubled (for security reasons I stress) as Prince George himself – what with my shape shifting skills I am in high demand worldwide, especially so by those who claim Divine Right.

  2. My type of humour! May the ever vengeful God of Neptune have mercy upon you

  3. I once spotted Nicholas Wichell in The Coal Hole public house in The Strand. I was extremely disappointed with his shoes I seem to remember although I was gracious enough not to make my feelings known to him at the time. Nice skit btw.

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