Aspiring women Bishops turn to Satan

Aspiring women Bishops are leaving the Church of England in their droves and moving to worship the Dark Lord Satan according to the latest figures released by the Office of National statistics this morning. It appears that despite the agreement of the Synod to reconsider the matter of women Bishops next year, many lady vicars […]

Royal baby indoctrinated into state sponsored cult

The official indoctrination of Prince George into a bizarre state sponsored cult has taken place in the Chapel Royal at St James’s Palace in London. According to a Palace insider “it was a tough choice between Christianity, Islam, scientology and Neptune God of the sea but in the end Christianity offered the best rates with […]

Lord Carey “Persecute homosexuals or we’ll get God on you”

Lord Carey has this morning issued Prime Minister David Cameron with a stark warning “Start persecuting homosexuals again or we’ll set God on you”. Speaking at his annual pre-chocolate egg day address,  the Former Archbishop of Canterbury told us “God loves everyone. But he loves us more because we go to church and wear special […]

Next pope “may have to be a dalek”

The next pope may well have to be a dalek, according to an outspoken Vatican source, in what is seen as one of the most dramatic breaks from ecumenical convention since the 12th Century when the papacy was briefly awarded to an elk. Speaking at a press conference this morning, Vatican Head of Communications Cardinal […]

Lack of prayer blamed for shit ‘snow day’

Households throughout the country have had to unexpectedly cancel their day in the pub, as the lack of snow this morning has left many with little choice but to go into work. The Right Reverend Justin Welby the soon to be Archbishop of Canterbury has told the nation that people only have their blasphemous selves […]

Church of England “Gay Bishops must sit on space hoppers”

Gay Bishops will be required to preach their sermons whilst bouncing up and down on space hoppers in another shift in their policy on homosexuality in the clergy. After talks between the outgoing Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams and his replacement the Rt Rev Justin Welby it has been decided that there is no […]