Lord Carey “Persecute homosexuals or we’ll get God on you”

lord carey

Lord Carey has this morning issued Prime Minister David Cameron with a stark warning “Start persecuting homosexuals again or we’ll set God on you”.

Speaking at his annual pre-chocolate egg day address,  the Former Archbishop of Canterbury told us “God loves everyone. But he loves us more because we go to church and wear special robes that look a bit like a dress. But some men wear dresses and don’t go to church. And then attempt to get married to each other. Which affects our religious freedom. So you can see why we’re so furious about the whole thing”.

Lord Carey has made it clear that this time that unless the Prime Minister stops being bigoted against Christians by starting to be bigoted against homosexuals there could be trouble ahead.

“We speak directly to God through a special God Radio.  He says he is furious that gay people want to get married as he prefers them to put it about a bit and have lots of sexual partners. And he’s hard as nails. One press of his finger could deflate the O2 arena. One stamp of his foot could squash the houses of parliament. And one lick of his tongue could make the London Eye all wet and sticky. For he is ever so big and mighty”.

One gay couple we spoke to told us “We’d like to see the situation resolved one way or another. At the moment every time we discuss marriage Lord Carey appears from under our bed and tells us to stop it. It’s getting quite grating”.

However, cockney geyser thespian Danny Dyer has warned the Prime Minister to ignore such threats at his peril. “Cameron might be the main geyser but that God’s a bit tasty and he’s freaking my nut. He’ll make Cameron look like a facking lemon”.

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