Judges have been ordered to limit their pornographic titillation to underwear catalogues whilst in work time, according to tough new rules announced today.
Justice Secretary Chris Grayling said that whilst judges, clerks and senior court officials should not be seen to be self pleasuring like over sexed chimps on her majesty’s wifi, a complete ban on workplace titillation would be a step too far.
“It’s obvious that someone who dresses up in a huge wig and a dress, before telling people that they are naughty and must be punished, day in day out, is going to have certain needs. However, they need to limit work-time self sexing to borderline pornography of which, when challenged, they can unconvincingly claim that they are merely perusing something for the wife.
A spokesman for Littlewoods welcomed the move saying that the trend towards internet pornography has meant far fewer viewings of the underwear sections of their catalogues in recent years.
“People would frequently buy our stuff in a vain attempt to validate a cock and bull story that they were actually shopping for thermal underwear when caught looking at them. A move back to taking sneaky peaks of our catalogues will be great for year on year growth. If you’ll pardon the pun.”