George Osborne “Poor people must give us a kidney”

Poor people will be expected to donate a vital organ to cover any welfare payments according to new measures announced by George Osborne today. “There’s no such thing as a free lunch” Mr Osborne told Lorraine Kelly in a pre-conference briefing. We have lazy benefit claimants who are not contributing to society yet feel they […]

New Conservative policies to be accompanied by evil laughs

David Cameron has told grass roots conservative supporters that he has listened to their views and is now prepared to act on them. From now on, he told party members this morning, there would be no more hard nosed fiscal policies given with a straight face under the vague guise of compassion, and it would […]

Prince Charles urges unproven cures for serious diseases

His Royal Highness Prince Charles has today urged the public to ignore scientifically proven cures for illnesses and instead rely on sugar pills soaked with water, that may have been in the same jug as some water that may have touched an ingredient which is not proven in anyway to cure the affliction in question. […]

“We are mad swivel eyed loons” confirm grassroots Tory Activists

Conservative Party Co-chairman Lord Feldman has said he feels  ‘great relief’  today as the majority of grassroots party members have confirmed  “He’s absolutely right you know. We are mad, swivel-eyed loons”. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Lord Feldman admitted that at one point he thought he may have gone a bit far and […]

Alternative medical world celebrates first ever aura transplant

Alternative medical practitioners around the world were toasting the success of a British Consultant alternative healer who has successfully completed the worlds first aura transplant. In an 8 hour operation that required the assistance of homeopaths, reiki healers, spiritual physicians and hopi ear candle therapists, Dr Ben ‘Shakras’ Goldcacre succeeded in surgically fitting an entire […]