Clacton rock system to core by electing same bloke

The people of Clacton-on-Sea have rocked the political system as we know it to its core by electing the same bloke as they already had until such time as there is another election in a few months when the same bloke will be standing again. Newly appointed Mp Douglas Carswell told us “The people have […]

New Conservative policies to be accompanied by evil laughs

David Cameron has told grass roots conservative supporters that he has listened to their views and is now prepared to act on them. From now on, he told party members this morning, there would be no more hard nosed fiscal policies given with a straight face under the vague guise of compassion, and it would […]

Ed Miliband to ban multiple votes for northerners

Ed Miliband has pledged today to finally end the practice of individuals having extra votes on Labour party matters simply due to coming from the Northern half of England. At present every Labour party member is entitled to one vote. However if he lives or comes from anywhere between Derby and Carlisle he will be […]

David Cameron “You’ll have to winkle us out with a shitty stick”

Prime Minister David Cameron has said the coalition will continue ‘right up until polling day’ in 2015 and has issued a stark message to party dissenters and the British public alike “You’ll have to winkle us out with a shitty stick.” “We’ve had some disagreements within the the coalition and even within the party but […]

Legalising gay marriage will ‘awake the kraken’ warn Conservative activists

Plans to legalise same-sex marriage in England and Wales return to the Commons later, amid continuing opposition from some Conservative activists and MPs who have argued that the proposed legislation is ‘flawed, unconservative and divisive’ and more importantly will awake the Kraken. The Marriage Bill was approved by a 225-vote majority when it was last […]

Plot revealed to oust David Cameron’s successor

In a week that has seen David Cameron not only accidentally invited to a meeting to choose his successor but actually nominated to take over from himself as Party Leader,  moves  are apparently afoot amongst grass roots conservatives to get rid of David Cameron’s replacement as soon as he or she replaces David Cameron. One […]

Cameron to round up stray Tories in the style of ‘One man and his dog’

David Cameron has been secretly wining and dining the producers of hit TV sports show ‘One man and his dog’ in a bid to round up stray grass roots tories who are determined to have their own opinions on things, according to an unnamed source. “He’s infuriated with trying to come across as a man […]